i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize