i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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