he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
