lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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