you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
