hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
