Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
