hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
