just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize