just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
