k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
