She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
