We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
