I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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