I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
