Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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