Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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