I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize