His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
