He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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