She announced her abortion via fbk
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
