There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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