You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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