So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
