Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Randomize