Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
