Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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