What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
