I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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