My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Farmville is her only friend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
