1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
