Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
