Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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