I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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