You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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