If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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