I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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