I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
