I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
