So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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