No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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