He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
