lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
