no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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