I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
