Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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