You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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