My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
