Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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