I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
