Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
