I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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