I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
