i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
