I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
