I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
