It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
