I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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