dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
