I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize