I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
