Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize