We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
