How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
