We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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