Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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