Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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