I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
