I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
