sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
