My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
