Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize