I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
