Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where is the hickey?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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