I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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