The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
