Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
