Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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