Don't you send me to vm
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sponge bath it is.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
