Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
