What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize