it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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