I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
