I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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