It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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