Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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