i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
