Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
