i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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