We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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