guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
