Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
