Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
