you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
