Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
