Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
