Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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