When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
