i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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